Old Slut Says Rush Limbaugh Must Die

smoke: 0
drink: 3 cups coffee
food: 0
moods:  irritated, anxious
noise:  cnn
weight: 156

Why hasn't Rush Limbaugh died yet? If it weren't for "sluts" or hookers, he'd never get laid. Why does he hate women so much? Motherfucking drug addict.

Up at 4:30am and not a whole lot to do. The spouse has left for work, without a kiss goodbye. Is that a big deal? I made the effort, but he shot me down. He tends to "punish" by refusing something, leaving, or clamming up. He managed to say "bye" before leaving, as he was half way out the door.

I think he was disappointed that I wasn't "in the mood" the night before. He spent hours driving back here after work, which took him about 2 hours or so, with no "happy ending". There was nothing for dinner and I was tired because I got up too early that morning as well. I wasn't up for doing anything but lying down. Maybe he was just frustrated, but I didn't dare ask.

He won't be coming back tonight, but on Friday eve. He's still working out of town and will be next week as well - as far as I know. It pisses me off when he doesn't tell me about his schedule unless I ask. What's wrong with him? He did mention couples counseling after I talked to him a bit about going myself. He wanted to know what I said about him and what the counselor said about him. I'm guessing he thinks I've been saying terrible things about him, which is pretty paranoid. He's definitely not the biggest problem I have. Besides, the therapy is about me. I still haven't received a bill for it, so I couldn't say how much it is, as I was asked (by the spouse). Sometimes Medicare is slow, sometimes the provider slacks off. I'd call, but it's too early this morning. I hope it doesn't turn out to be bad news.

Oops! Forgot to mention that I took the wrong advice and went into hospital last week. I ended up out of the city on the Tuesday before last. It was one serious shithole (to me) and they take everything from you, even all of your electronics that you use for distracting yourself from your depression. I couldn't handle that, and they did a real sloppy job checking me in and out. I spent one night there, woke up at 4.30am and made it well-known that I didn't want to be there one second more, and I wasn't going to harm anybody or anything. Getting attention from staff nurses and getting my message across helped me on my 2nd day. They chose to release me without order from a Dr, despite my "condition". RELIEF! FREEDOM! I packed as quickly as I could and nearly ran out of there. My ride home in a taxi was about $40, but worth every penny.

I felt pretty fragile when I got home, that I couldn't do anything but sleep. I still haven't unpacked most of my stuff yet. Hmmmm... what does that mean? Be prepared? For another bout with seriously "bad" thoughts? I don't know... I can't say.