I Made it Outside By Myself!!

I'm so anxious nearly every single fucking day, and today I made it outside alone! So that doesn't get done every day. Anyway, I stopped at a clothing store to return an online purchase on my way to the bank. I think I made security a little nervous since I was wearing sunglasses. I made it outside by myself, rode the bus a few stops and did my thing.

I'm so fucking proud of myself this morning, but where would I be without my iPod? I can't remember the last day that I managed to make it outside by myself. Could have been months ago. These days you can have anything delivered to you or shop online, which is what I did. I usually mail stuff back online but I decided to go in person so I wouldn't have to bother with shipping. It is so incredibly awful trying to make it outside, a reason, a destination, riding the bus... I take taxis to my med appointments, and the Rx I get there at the pharmacy.

I texted my spouse to spread the news and haven't got a response from him yet. He is somewhat supportive of my anxiety thing. I'm anxious everywhere, but don't feel it so much when I'm with him, and I don't know what it is that makes me so anxious. If I knew, I'd try and fix it. Suppose there are many factors. Seems that no condition is so easy or b/w. Shit. I should have taken my clonopin along. Dumbass. I have a feeling that "somewhat supportive" is not cutting it enough anymore. Things seem on the rocks, but this is a very touchy issue that needs to be dealt with and discussed thoroughly. I hate those kind of talks. One of those talks is going to happen tonight, I'm hoping.